Last night was my monthly Lap-Band support group meeting with my surgeon. One of the topics that came up was whether or not food still called to you. As in, what are you craving or eating because you want to and not because you NEED to.

Immediately post-op hardly any food called to me. It took more than a week to be interested in wanting anything other than my liquids. And I was quite content with my egg salad during the “soft solids” phase. When solid foods came back into the picture, I had no problem eating the things I should be eating. My routine with food was consistent and I was very happy with it.

I ate good solid protein, perfect 4 oz meals, and avoided high calorie, high carb, and high sugar food. Sounds like following the rules, right?

And I have, for a long time. But as I’ve noted on a couple of my weekly update videos there have been times when I have eaten things I shouldn’t have. More notability is my guilt over Ghirardelli after my gallbladder surgery.

So I got to thinking. How was I able to get food to stop calling me and what happened that it started calling me again? Why do I occasionally choose to completely mess myself up and eat something I shouldn’t? Because after consuming something I should not be eating, guilt follows and I know it wasn’t worth it. And truthfully, it is a very BRIEF moment that I allow myself to buy something I KNOW I don’t REALLY want. And even before I consume something I shouldn’t, I DO NOT want it. But I do it anyway. What’s wrong with this picture?

When thinking about the turning point, I took a look at my eating history. Because I have been tracking my food for so long I wanted to attempt to pinpoint the moment that food started calling me again. And not only discover the actual cause for the cravings but the mentality that I have that allows me to eat something I don’t actually want.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I know the moment, the exact moment I started wanting CRAP food again.

There I was in Costco looking at these wonderfully delicious deli rolls they make. Cranberry cream cheese spread, turkey, lettuce, and tomato wrapped in a tortilla. They’re heaven sent and they used to be my go-to meal after shopping at Costco. And my bright idea was to create those in a weight-loss friendly version. I got low calorie berry cream cheese, low carb tortillas, and my favorite Oscar Mayer Honey Turkey deli slices. They tasted exactly like what I wanted. But, they were higher in carbs than I had been eating.

What do carbs do when they metabolize in your body? Do you know?

They raise the blood glucose levels. And there in lies the problem to my cravings.

Raised blood sugar, raised desire to eat CRAP!

But now I understand that the physical craving comes from eating carbs. Those tortillas, even low in carbs were NOT complex carbs and poooof instant blood surgar spike for this once diabetic. That doesn’t sound like a good combination to me.

I want to also say that the thing about all this is that prior to surgery I suspected that I would be more sensitive to carbs and avoided eating a lot of carbs. They can’t be completely avoided and carbs, especially complex carbs, can be good for the body. But each person has their own sensitivity level to how many carbs they can be eating without feeling like they need to consume the whole house or multiple bags of Ghirardelli chocolate, like I did. And so immediately after surgery I avoided carbs. Then I thought maybe I wasn’t so sensitive after all and bought the tortillas. And then the cravings for the crap came back and until last night, completely forgot about my prior belief that I’m carb sensitive.

Hello, Katy!

Now I still have the mental issue of eating things I don’t want to actually eat. I discussed a bit of my most recent mental struggle on my Post-Op Lap-Band Week 23 video. And I intend on writing more about that mental struggle soon.

In the meantime, I must avoid those carbs again. And I will. Starting today… starting NOW!